Let’s get honest – Sex, Lust & Relationships.

Welcome to this new section of the blog, where I’ll be sharing conscious insights and reflections on relationships, Christ-centered.

This is my honest first post that I did NOT want to post, but I was nudged by Him to share it, so here it comes. Maybe it’s going to be a long read, but hold on. It will bring you clarity if you feel like the flesh is strong, but you’ve grown stronger in spirit by now.

When I first started dating, I did not choose the best intimate relationships because they were not rooted in Love. After some failed relationships I started “living my single life” in my twenties and I had a period where I began dating, having sex, and engaging in the talk about how cool one was, counting how many people you’d slept with, like an ego boost of approval, getting comments on my good looks and purely based on how my body was. Deep down, I was a lost soul seeking rest, an insecure little girl dressed up in masks of fear wanting to be Loved, not knowing I was searching for God.

Sorry for TMI.
I haven’t had sexual intercourse since my last relationship ended, and I thought I was done with lust altogether. Then lust resurfaced, wanting to express itself boldly through self-pleasuring. At first, I saw it as something natural, maybe just a biological need. I even wondered if it could come from God, if He would want my desires to be met. That’s when I realized He was inviting me into celibacy, lovingly exposing what was happening within me. Lust was not something He sent, and I could see how it was keeping me from Him, from a deeper experience of His presence, from constant communion.

Let grief come up and have its moment – Freedom will take its place in eternity.

It has taken me many tears and rounds of forgiving seeing how could’ve treated myself so poorly, even now writing this tears well up, but they’re just flowing back to My real source now, getting freed back into this beautiful Being I know I Am, a felt embodied Love, not just words or a sight shying away when it gets sent out into a room, into a place I thought myself unworthy of being in.

The tricky part about sin is that it can get stuck in our story, intertwined with who we think we are, and subtly linger there, covering parts of our true Being. Exposing it to the Light, bringing it to God, is the only thing that will release it and heal it. Because you’ll see, in truth, there is nothing here other than Love loving, Light lighting, Forgiveness forgiving.

For a long time (many years) I tried to heal, and even became a self-proclaimed expert at psychoanalysis lol, tricky part about this is that it never gets satisfied, it’ll always find new layers to work on, never reaching the root. Now looking back I see it was a distraction that was keeping me from Being with Him, spending time with our LORD, God, this Presence, maybe partly because I knew I had to meet these parts and bring them up to Ligth. And as His promise, he uses everything for his good Glory, now they’re appearing on this screen as One merging back to who it Is, as Love birthing these words, as Forgiveness, as Remembrance, as Me.

Love is the Healer, the Seer and the Releaser.

When you break-up with your sinful behaviour, you’ll also lose the people, spaces, environments that where tied to that unloving root so to speak and it might feel lonely for a little while and it’s a death but also a REBIRTH because you are being fed by Him now. You’re fed up by the world and freed by The Word.

When it comes to relationships I believe we have to get real honest with ourselves first and bring it to Him, what is truly the root of this relationship, what is the root of this connection, because if it’s not rooted in true Love you already know the answer, there might be some healing to be done there. Sometimes there’s a lesson He puts us through to get us to what he intended for in the first place, and fo’ sho’ girl, it’s not to be trapped in a thirst trap of a constant loop of approval seeking, letting hormones decide and feeling unworthy lol.

When we come back to our only Root: Knowing we Are Love. We have set the foundation from (w)here, every relationship can flourish. And they’ll be good, what you deserve.
True Love is not transactional, True Love is not something you earn, made worthy of or not. Love is WHO you Are.

The more we retrain our attention to bringing it back to its source of origin: this Loving Awareness, the more this takes form and integrates with all appearances and this is true Healing, true Relationship and true Life.

I know temptations can come ’til our last breath, so I can’t rely on my own strength and pride, because it can be so subtle sometimes I need to stay clear minded, clear hearted and clear focused on Him.

This is your confirmation – True Love is coming, the real relationship is coming, because you are Here now.
To whomever this post may reach or these words may land into, know this is an answered prayer being shared from His love, it’s Him sending you confirmation. Love reminding you of whose you are. You are a Child of God, a Child of Love.

Our father is full of Grace, Mercy and if I were to start talking about how good he is I would have to count lifetimes. And when you see, taste, experience for yourself how Great! of a loving father we share, you’ll want to BEcome a good son, a good daughter, defined by His standards, not the ones of this world. If you were to get it ALL, ALL, ALL in this world you wouldn’t be satisfied, for a little while yes, but not like truly satisfied as He intended for you: a Love made for Eternity.

Freedom wearing a body, Freedom wearing a smile on its face, Freedom sharing its dance, Freedom singing its song, Freedom writing its own words.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR LEAVING THE 99 FOR ME, LITTLE ME!?!?! I still don’t understand this, I’ll never do because I got to See, Experience, Feel just a tiny little portion of your magnificence, of this Love piercing through a little human body like Pati’s, that you also made!?!?

I Love You. God Loves You, Love Loves You. Life Loves You.

Note1! when I use the word sin, I refer to the forgetfullness that in truth we are one with god, our father, our creator, one with the Love that made us.

Note2! I use Him refering to God, Love, This. See it as Love expressing this way, Love using Pati, Love using this keyboard, Love using Pati’s story to send Love where you appear to Be.

Note 3! lol, I’ll make no more notes around the way this expression is coming to Life, because it’s all Him, I have no say in this. It’s all His. I’m all His. It’s all Him.

Refelctions from the Holy Scriptures:

John 8:31-32
The truth will set you free.

John 8:12
I am the light of the world.

Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Matthew 26:41
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

John 8:1-11
^1-2Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them.
^3-6The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
^6-8Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
^9-10Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”
¹¹“No one, Master.”
“Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.”